Saturday, Mar. 21, 2009 - 6:14 p.m.
Busted
*********
I was busted the other night
at an art show.
Friend had a
show at a laundry matt/ cafe gallery-
and some psycho lady accused me of
photographing her w/o her permission
I had shot a pile of laundry as
part of th photo essay -
anyway she called 911-
- two cops cars pull up,
in ten seconds they figure out
shes batshit crazy,
but they ask me to
delete the photo-
I showed them the photo series-
basic art and artists
- lady wasn't even in any of the pix-
-I decline to delete the photo
and so the two cops take me apart-
-run my name through the system,
empty my pockets-
-get weird on me so I would fold,
that is : delete the photo so
that there would be
no incident to write up
but i didn't- it was hard holding my ground
so much easier to just go along with the swindle
I finally got the two cops to state to me
that I had done no wrong,
and it became much easier
to proceed towards attaining a wrap up
I showed the shot to the crazy ladys' daughter who agreed there was
nothing untoward going on
but she was powerless
to cool her wacko Mom-
-that lady was nuts calling 911 for nothing,
she had disrupted the art show,
made claims to the police that had no merit
all of which caused me to be shook down
as the art show patrons looked in in disbelief-
-everybody was agitated
and the art opening just stopped-
- the cops scolded the crazy lady
for wasting their time,
but she still insisted
at the top of her lungs
that I delete the photo-
-even though I knew
and the cops knew
and her daughter knew
nothing was wrong-
that lady was as dumb
as a piece of wood
and about to explode
because she wasn't gonna get her way
-so I just deleted the photo as the police and artists and her daughter looked on-
crazy lady was so frothed up
she didn't even know it was over
---- big me
then the owner of the
gallery came in all agitated
and asked me to leave-
the crazy lady had phoned him at home
while I was being shook down
- owner man didn't ask any questions
he just snapped his fingers at me
and said get out
and even as the cops argued to him
I was in the right-
that the incident had been resolved
but hey its his space -
" get out " is an order
not a suggestion
- and I left with the police-
everybody shaking their heads in
either relief or confusion,
or both -
- and so after the show collapsed
( it was a student show
their first public showing ever )
their art teacher had her
little congratulations speech cancelled ,
thanks to the gallery owner
who was suddenly a complete buzz kill
all the niceities were cut short as
the crazy lady continued to mouth off about
who did I think I was ?
i wasn't even there
butI could hear her from outside
what a four star Bee Atych
her poor daughter
being shook
down by two cops,
squad car lights flashing-
and i didn't do anything wrong
the cops knew it
the artists knew it
the art teacher knew it
the other people doing their laundry knew it
I knew it
God knew it
everybody but the crazy lady knew it
Cops probably have to
cater to the crazy people
all the time
because its easier..
or it will just escalate
into a gunbattle
even when crazy people wreck t everything
by being selfish idiots
especially when they wreck everything
by being selfish brain dead idiots
- the art show was a disaster
I couldn't even aplologise to the artists
I retreated to a nearby Tim Hortons donut shop
because I could not be in that art space
and it was cold outside
& my coat was still inside the laundrymat gallery exile does not allow you to gather your belongings -anyway I won a free donut at Tims
when I rolled up the rim to win
The angels of grease
had heard somebody
elses prayers
and sent the baked goods mercy call
to me instead
I was not exactly in a donut eating mood
so I pocketed my winning chit until I was
in a suitable donut eating mood
So I wrote out ten times on a napkin :
" I will not challenge
fat crazy people
in an art gallery "
and handed it to Alyssa' later
as suitable pennance-
she laughed
But Alyssa will never forget
her first public art show-
- neither will her fellow artists..
Doing the right thing
is sometimes
not enough..
this was one of those times
however, you might win a donut
Epilogue
crazy people are for the most part
collossal bullies who are not ashamed
to make a scene when thy know
they have fucked up..
anything but the truth,
anything but honour
.Everybody else at the show
was terminally afraid of the crazy lady
going postal over nothing
but me-- I was polite
and because refused every one of her
escalating power trip demands..
she followed me around shouting
( as if I care what a stranger says to me )
snatched at my camera-
trying to take matters
into her own hands before the police arrived
- had she done that -
the police would have arrested _her
for crying wolf had she deleted my photos
because there would have been
no photos for them to evaluate
in front of dozens of witnesses
including her own daughter
--- duh- lucky for her
I didn't let her grab my camera then
she might have smashed it
against the cement floor
and then i would have had to call the police..
crazy people are the
result of a lifetime of selfishness
and everybody gives in to them l
ike just to keep the peace
like they are bears at a dump..
and the reality of life is
if a chick calls
the cops about a guy
- the guy is wrong
until his lawyer proves otherwise in court
some months
and some thousands of dollars later
no facts, witnessess or logical explanations
will ever change that
while any of us are still alive-
so run boys if the hat appears
we got a chance of receiving justice
if we are fast enough..
I don't know
how I will live this down
but I will have to..
Too bad for me
moral of the story:
fatness and craziness
is the root of all conflict-
