Sunday, May. 10, 2009 - 1:29 p.m.
Yard Chocolate
***************
I called my sister today as she was celebrating Mothers Day with our Mom- we share the same one. She couldn't talk so i wrote her an email short story to read to everybody while they eat brunch. She loves dogs and chocolate.
There was a tragically unemployed
married couple in the Niagara region
who advertised their
custom dog poop clean up services
during the job doldrums after Christmas.
Its a big thing in the States right now
and whoever steps into it first in Canada
will be the king of canine kack
no experience necessary
- I marvelld at their enthusiasm
and businesslike approach
they had prepared a series
of professional looking up beat ads
and calculated a tight schedule of
crisp promotions
to drive their company profile
deeply in the collective consciousness
of our winter weary community
They implied that they understood
I might be struggling financially
' but my yard deserves the best
regular dog poop clean up-
by qualified __professionals
will add value to the price of my home
if I have to sell it
call for a free quote
They are
the dog poop removal specialists
it almost looked like
they may have had help
starting their business
at a job fair or some deal
where professionals
advise struggling new enterprize
on the fine arts of promoting their
" special goods or unique services"--
-run your own small business
-never be unemployed again
-be your own boss'
-set your own criteria
of how you will connect
with society and commerce
in this computer friendly world
if you are eating chocolate,
maybe put it down for this part-
** the first round of ads
announced that their special service
was now available
-and offered early bird discounts
they were definately ready to engage
and take a leading role in the
regional dog poop business
**the second set of ads
that kicked in about ten days later
specified exactly how often
their highy trained
turd tidy crew would come by
to service your yard,
very much like like a
snow ploughing contract -
dedication and dependibilty .
Direct, simple wording--
Dog poop was no longer
going to be your problem
-together, we can make a difference
*** the third series of ads
sort of fell apart-
the dog poop specialists at
the NRDPS headquarters
had obviously done a
reassessment of their services
and decided that
truth in advertising
was the best policy
not that lies are better'
but the truth
is a lifetime commitment
to spiritual excellence
The dog poop specialists
were now pro rating sizes
of service ready targets
by breed of dog a
how big their turds were on a chart...
and were now pricing accordingly
the early bird special had run its course
here was a cleverly orchestrated
franchaise expansion
drive out the competition'
gear up for territorial domination
These overly detailed poop menus=
featured a clip art graphic of a shovel--
thank heavens they had enough restraint
to not photoshop in
a prize winning specimen.
All this truth in advertising
all this carefully orchestrated
service package expansions
to attract and keep long term clients
*& keep the poop trucks rolling
suddenly... nobody was interesed
in their services _at _all-
they forgot that winter puts
dog poop into suspended animation
and nobody would require
their services till the thaw..
and then' dog owners
just avoid walking in their yards
until the spring rains
erace all traces of these service targets
and replaces them with
magical mini islands of lush grass
as if by magic
all without cost or effort
the tragic decline
in the world economy
had nothing to do with
the demise of this
original and unique new business
Maybe because there is such a thing as
" too much information"
there are some things people
just don't want help with
and prefer to struggle alone
where ignorance is bliss
and virtue
is best played out
in silence
Undertakers learned that lesson
a long time ago..
