Saturday, Mar. 27, 2010 - 12:00 a.m.
Backdraft
**********
I flipped through
some random diaries here tonight
just because I haven't
for years
just to see if
the poets had deserted
this site for facebook
or drinking in their rooms
I bumped into a diary
of a bored girl-woman
who told her life story
in twenty five entries
She has a boring dayjob
that sort of overtook her life
as soon as she graduated College
she has a boyfriend she met there
who is just some familiar blob
she sleeps with
and they go out to
boring bars and clubs and movies
Sometimes she drinks too much
and is sick the next day
She resents her life
and finds some
tragic flaw
with everybody
she has ever known
Her one stab at
living an exciting life
is she chats online in secret
with guys she meets
briefly in real life
and by design
expands on these friendships
one or two at a time
using a semi fictional
online persona
of her own invention
where she teases these guys,
leads them on,
sets them up,
milks their admirations,
cultivates their primal fever
by dropping fictional drama hint bombs
of her sudden miraculous availability
due to a tragic evaporation
of her long time
but deeply flawed romance
No decent guy
could resist this
sort of
rescue & adoration
two-for-one package
She seems to like to watch
what normal decent guys will do
when she offers herself
on a plate
as the ultimate dreamy
supernatural girl bait
She has no expectations
of ever leaving her
real life boyfriend
or ever hooking up with
her online hobby Romeos
She amuses herself
by setting them on fire
from the safety of her laptop
late at night
while her real life boyfriend
is at work at a restaurant
I somehow think
she doesn't share
any of this with him-
it's her own
silent little secret
In her own words
she describes the cycle
of meeting
turning up the heat
til she detects the boy in flames
throws water on him
and then quickly runs away
back to her boring resentful life
until she can arrange
a new rising tide
and a new set of love sharks
to chase her around and around
on her next mythical skinny dip
In her own words
she describes her hunting game:
" We talk about interesting things,
and radiate off each other.
It's thrilling, for a little while,
then I get annoyed or bored,
and it's over.
It's not sustainable
because there are only
two roads at a certain point.
Physical cheating,
and the other option
of becoming bored and moving on.
So far I've moved on."
So she knows exactly
what she is doing
but just doesn't care if real people
have real feelings
She doesn't seem to
have any noble feelings herself
just a movable feast of hungers
I think I have
been there before
-and lately
