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Friday, Nov. 22, 2019 - 2:43 p.m.

What is the most inappropriate experience you have had with a neighbour?
Hands down

the guy in the apartment below me

was constantly trying to commit suicide

One hot summer evening I smelled gas

and tracked it downstairs

I peeked in his kitchen window

and saw Walter with his head in the gas oven

I broke the kitchen door window and let myself in uninvited

to pull Walter out of the oven,

and switch off the gas, Gas everywhere — gas rises and Walter was on the floor —he was not receiving the benefit of his labours but I was. The gas rushed past me through the open door It was creepy- one spark and I would be blown to smithereens. I yelled righteous abuse at zoned out Walter for endangering the entire building with his latest clumsy attempt at suicide.

This was back when everybody was pretending to be a hippy and it was seriously viewed as “ uncool” to lose your temper or actually become morally enraged.

Maybe Walter wanted to die but I certainly wanted to live and committed every trespass I required to remain alive and save Walter

I called 911— and explained- cops and ambulance arrived, I gave a statement and someone took Walter away. He finally got the help he needed…surrounded by dumb hippies nobody wanted to “ aggress on his space “ … That was the last anybody saw of Walter

and at the end of the month a nice family moved in

to his former apartment.

I never mentioned to them

why that flat had become suddenly available

but at least I knew the gas oven worked


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