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Saturday, Nov. 30, 2019 - 12:15 a.m.

Dating again is curious
It easy to want to
its hard to do it right
I like this girl, she likes me
its a good fit and nobody has said or done anything
either we would regret later
Thats a huge plus
I have known her for a long time- years
I could always talk to her easily in a friendly neutral setting
when it was cool we would nod in comic disapproval of whoever she was dating

we both knew even at the time
she could have done better

How dare I ?
How dare I dare not !

I respect how she goes about things.
She has always been decent in thought word and deed
and, as I noticed and mentioned
not always suitably rewarded for her efforts
What she has accomplished
and built so far : her bucket list
seems reasonable to me

She's so beautiful she scares people
and she knows it
That's hilarious
and she uses this to her advantage as the situation requires
Why not ? I do the same with my weapons grade wit
and robust imagination powers

I am just waiting for the opportunity to really
talk about our real lives as we have lived them so far
not to learn dramatic crimes or hidden treasure
but to lift the hood & evaluate our true performance level
and honestly discern
.... Can / Should we take this somewhere ?

Likely so in my estimation
but without the madness of romance clouding our vision
I think she';s waiting for me to offer a plan/proposal/
Well fair enough .. she can say yes or no

I know her sisters and many of her friends
we have a lot of the same people in common
they are for the most part sane and sober
with something happening in their lives beyond hockey
and going out for drinks
They all love her for the treasure she is and are watching me closely as I circle her
...and so they should ! -

I have researched high end cameras for the last two weeks
'narrowed down the make and model that best suits me
I ordered the best one I could get online-confirmed shipment and am waiting for it to arrive
Then I can begin my new life as an upscale photo guy
That camera will be happier with me in the field & studio
than on display in some store

I will be very glad to have this camera
I worked so hard to earn
I will take good care of her
let her do what she does best
and together, we will seek out and document
the wonders of life
answering to nobody but ourselves

This is a serious assignment-
I understand this is a challenge and a duty and a transformative joy
I will no longer be working alone
I will have to always be mindful of the light - forever.
This is a wonderful camera with great potential

I am a serious cameraman
I ordered extra batteries
so we will always be ready
to shoot anything
except maybe underwater

Back to romance
or maybe I never really changed subjects
I am ready to be happy
I am ready to make big changes
and work towards what pleases someone else
and myself- serving the greater idea of.... us

We're grown ups
we can't hide in mystery like kids do
Our task is to break through to the other side
So far we are doing ok
in time, our past experiences will be distant blurry memories
and all we will really remember, past that point is
how well we treated each other

I don't want to do anything
that will create regret
I want to make good memories
and keep that habit strong
So I welcome this late onset romance

Nobody is more surprised than me
just as I was settling in for long haul bachelor life
sober, disciplined, dedicated, brave and grateful
KA BOOM !! this happens..

I'll have to really start paying much closer attention
to the noble art of cherishing someone else
now that someone else is in my gravitational pull
I am in no hurry
but I have no time to waste

I might have to endure Netflix
and walking a dog
and the smell of cooking meat
my cats will just have to forgive me
for loving someone else
besides them
there's plenty of love
for everyone
come and get it


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