Saturday, Oct. 03, 2009 - 9:02 a.m.
Raccoon Taliban Insurection
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I leave the screen door ajar all summer
so Taser can come and go as he likes
one flip of his paw and he is in and out
without any trouble to me
Its easy
it's convenient
its a win win arrangement for everybody
September was cold and rainy
& I suppose the raccoons were starving
so late last night they broke in
a fat Mom and two teen coons
and ate Tasers food
I woke up and chased them out
but 15 min later they were back
but ultra sneaky quiet-
ate his food and
knocked over the garbage
which alerted me
I awoke angry
and chased them out again
This happened again an hour later
three wet raccoons stealthing in
stealing catfood and knocking stuff over
and screeching at each other
so i awoke for the third time
threw shoes at them
and chased them out the door
the screen door
the one Taser uses
Just before dawn
I was awoken yet again
by the sound of sneaky little feet
and the annoying sound
of wet raccoons eating catfood
So I lept out of bed yelling turned on
all the lights i ran past
and threw potatoes at the thieves
as they dashed for the screen door As I stood there hyper ventilating is defiant rage
I switched on t my desk lamp
and saw to my great surprise
peacefully laying on my chair
- in person and in living colour --Taser..
Why didn';t he alert me
raccoons were breaking in?
Why didn't he make even
a feeble attempt to protect his own food ?
How could he just lay there
and let the raccoon bandits
run right underneath him
both in and out of the crime scene?
Oh, because i would fix it-
defend his territory
chase off the invaders
and top up his food bowl
while he just laid there watching. Three fat raccoons
an obese Mama
and two snarly teenage raccoons'
one with a strange white tipped tail
I know- I saw it four times as it
squeezed out the screen door'
and into the rainy night
Thats it Taser- the screen door is closed
for the season
if you want in _OR_ out
you have to whine and wait for me
to open & close the big door
This exit of convenience
is out of service
for the next seven months
Thank you for supporting
the Raccoon Community
This morning I go to the corner store
and on the way I see,.
in the ditch on the side of the highway
a freshly run over raccoon
I look closer and see the white tipped tail
of the criminal suspect
I had chased out of my place
with a broom just hours before
laying as dead
as a crack head gangster
taken down after a drive by
orchestrated by rival raccoon drug lords
fighting for control of garbage day
Him and his family had fled
their latest crime scene into the night
and minutes later run across the highway
and this one laying still got taken out
No over sentimentality from his family
left there for dead for the crows to feast on
they would probably walk past
his bloating corpse twice each day
on their regular crime forays
not give him a second thought
live together
sleep together
hunt together
eat together
-but die one at a time
and then rot into obscurity
the more for us as to eat
soon as you are gone
Maybe thats why Taser
didn't acknowledge them
because he is only a part time beast
he has grown up in support
he gives support
re receives support
and unlike the raccoon bandit families
living on a diet of competition,
danger and garbage
Taser can count on my support
now and forever
his indifference
to the raccoon invasion
was his way ofd telling me
" This one is best left to you "
so confident was he in my ability
to triumph over the raccoons
that he could afford to take it easy
and let his underwear giant human dad
mop up the opposition
without so much
as a hiss required from him
